Open Letter to Adele....

Adele

First off, I would like to say that your voice is the truth. I love your song: "Someone Like You", but once I listened to the words, I became concerned.

Let me get this straight. You found out that your ex has gotten married, so you somehow think its a good idea to show up at this mans crib or place of employment (the song doesn't really say)? Are you Kray???? He's married Adele! Does it really matter if he remembers what ya'll had or if he has feelings still....excuse me....isn't he an EX, and didn't he meet, fall in love, propose to, and marry, SOMEONE ELSE??? Did you think you was gonna show up, and he was gonna be like: "Forget my wife, I want you!"?

Oh Adele....

I really hope you didn't show up at his home. That is not safe. Do you know who his wife is? She may not be too pleased that her husbands ex has shown up uninvited to try to get him back... I hope this isn't a black woman, cause black women are super Cray....matter of fact I hope it isn't a white woman, cause I watched the marathon for the show "Deadly Women", and all those women were white. I don't want you to be a missing person Adele!!!

There are so many other ways that you could have reached out to him. A text message? Is he your friend on Facebook? You could have subtweeted him on Twitter to find out if he was happy in his marriage....showing up unannounced....no....not a good idea hun.

Do you not have friends? I am sure your homegirls had to tell you not to go see that man...hes married now.

I guess your ex wasn't really feeling you, or your visit because you was like :"Nevermind, I'll find, someone like you...."

For why though? He obviously wasn't the one, but yet you shrive to meet a ex boyfriend clone? You are ruining the minds of so many women out here! You got women out here searching for their ex, therefore meeting men just like their ex, therefore making a new ex cause the reason why they aren't with their ex is the same reason they shouldn't be with the new man who is now, in turn, an ex. Do you understand?

The song is very beautiful, but the message is kinda....well....psycho-stalkerish....and I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Your Fan,
Mz Hot Chocolate

Is being a Single Mom a "Lifestyle"?

I read an article yesterday stating an alarming statistic: That 72% of black babies are born to unwed mothers. My interest in this topic was peeked this morning when a radio personality asked: “Is this a problem or a lifestyle?”

I encourage everyone to read the full article by Jessie Washington, because it covers a lot of information.

Now back to the question asked by the radio personality. Is being a “baby momma” a “lifestyle?” Do black women strive to be mothers and not wives? The article states that children born to unwed mothers or more likely to give birth out of wedlock. So are women just following suit? Are where does the responsibility of the fathers go? These babies are indeed born to unwed mothers and FATHERS. Why do the women have to take all the flack?

In my opinion, I think that being an unwed mom is a lifestyle. I can guarantee that I have heard more about “baby daddies” then I have about husbands. With that being said, this doesn’t go for everyone per se. I had a child out of wedlock, and believe it or not, I got a lot of grief about it. Me having a baby out of wedlock was not ok and the people in my community had no mercy on me. Even though I was 25, people felt that it was still inappropriate. People even encouraged me not to have my baby, and said that they would “understand” if I didn’t.

Although I was treated this way, a lot of women can have children, not even be with the father, and no one thinks anything about it. Not only is having a “baby daddy” normal, but having a no good “baby daddy” in even more prominent. As I put on my thinking cap and recall all the single mothers I know, I can’t think of any who speak highly of the child’s father. Matter of fact, I recall Fathers Day banter on Facebook about women wanting credit for being “fathers” to their children, which confirms that most single moms don’t have positive feedback about the child’s father.

I have heard women say that they don’t NEED a man for nothing, that they WANT to raise their children alone, and that being married is OVER RATED, and nothing but a PIECE OF PAPER. Oh yes. You know how many women were encouraging me not to get married? Where does this BS even come from? Yet most of the single women I know, do not enjoy being a single parent.

I think we are taught this. We see things in society happening and we just follow suit not even realizing that that is what we are doing. Also, we have to look our upbringing. I will be the first to go on record and say that my mother taught me NOTHING about how to be a wife. I don’t think she ever even encouraged me to be one. I was taught to, go to school, so I can get a job and take care of MYSELF. I was actually encouraged to be independent, and depend on no one. This was hardwired into my brain. My mom even told me that men only want one thing, and that they want to control you. I promise my upbringing messed up a couple of relationships that could have indeed wound up in marriage, but I was so brainwashed that I thought these men were treating me well only to sleep with me, and that they were only pretending to love me so that they can marry me and control and ruin my life….., but I digress.

Once I realized that I was brainwashed, (during my pregnancy) I knew it was up to me to get a whole new way of thinking. No more distrust, no more Mrs. Independent. She sucked. I wanted to just be happy. I wanted to do something I enjoyed, so I can take care of my FAMILY. Not just myself. I decided that I wanted to be a wife, and I sought advice from people who were married or on that path, and everything just took off from there.

I see now that this blog has gone from one place to another. But as a former single mom, I feel impacted by the article. So I ask you: What do you think of this statistic? Do you think it is a PROBLEM, or are more women just choosing to have kids without marriage? Let’s discuss…

Oh and welcome to my new blog….and to my old school Myspace blog family…..I’m back…I think….lol