I read an article yesterday stating an alarming statistic: That 72% of black babies are born to unwed mothers. My interest in this topic was peeked this morning when a radio personality asked: “Is this a problem or a lifestyle?”
I encourage everyone to read the full article by Jessie Washington, because it covers a lot of information.
Now back to the question asked by the radio personality. Is being a “baby momma” a “lifestyle?” Do black women strive to be mothers and not wives? The article states that children born to unwed mothers or more likely to give birth out of wedlock. So are women just following suit? Are where does the responsibility of the fathers go? These babies are indeed born to unwed mothers and FATHERS. Why do the women have to take all the flack?
In my opinion, I think that being an unwed mom is a lifestyle. I can guarantee that I have heard more about “baby daddies” then I have about husbands. With that being said, this doesn’t go for everyone per se. I had a child out of wedlock, and believe it or not, I got a lot of grief about it. Me having a baby out of wedlock was not ok and the people in my community had no mercy on me. Even though I was 25, people felt that it was still inappropriate. People even encouraged me not to have my baby, and said that they would “understand” if I didn’t.
Although I was treated this way, a lot of women can have children, not even be with the father, and no one thinks anything about it. Not only is having a “baby daddy” normal, but having a no good “baby daddy” in even more prominent. As I put on my thinking cap and recall all the single mothers I know, I can’t think of any who speak highly of the child’s father. Matter of fact, I recall Fathers Day banter on Facebook about women wanting credit for being “fathers” to their children, which confirms that most single moms don’t have positive feedback about the child’s father.
I have heard women say that they don’t NEED a man for nothing, that they WANT to raise their children alone, and that being married is OVER RATED, and nothing but a PIECE OF PAPER. Oh yes. You know how many women were encouraging me not to get married? Where does this BS even come from? Yet most of the single women I know, do not enjoy being a single parent.
I think we are taught this. We see things in society happening and we just follow suit not even realizing that that is what we are doing. Also, we have to look our upbringing. I will be the first to go on record and say that my mother taught me NOTHING about how to be a wife. I don’t think she ever even encouraged me to be one. I was taught to, go to school, so I can get a job and take care of MYSELF. I was actually encouraged to be independent, and depend on no one. This was hardwired into my brain. My mom even told me that men only want one thing, and that they want to control you. I promise my upbringing messed up a couple of relationships that could have indeed wound up in marriage, but I was so brainwashed that I thought these men were treating me well only to sleep with me, and that they were only pretending to love me so that they can marry me and control and ruin my life….., but I digress.
Once I realized that I was brainwashed, (during my pregnancy) I knew it was up to me to get a whole new way of thinking. No more distrust, no more Mrs. Independent. She sucked. I wanted to just be happy. I wanted to do something I enjoyed, so I can take care of my FAMILY. Not just myself. I decided that I wanted to be a wife, and I sought advice from people who were married or on that path, and everything just took off from there.
I see now that this blog has gone from one place to another. But as a former single mom, I feel impacted by the article. So I ask you: What do you think of this statistic? Do you think it is a PROBLEM, or are more women just choosing to have kids without marriage? Let’s discuss…
Oh and welcome to my new blog….and to my old school Myspace blog family…..I’m back…I think….lol
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that in 2008 41% of overall (all ethnic groups) births occurred to mother who aren't married. That is more than 2/5 of child bearing-rearing parents population in the United States. So by sheer volume the answer to your question is yes. Unwed parenting is a lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteThis advocacy journalism piece indicates that this statistics only represents 2008 of which 72% of births that YEAR were born to black mothers who were not married.
The one thing this report never addresses is WHY we are adopting parenting sans marriage as a lifestyle - but one woman in the piece did say she didn't want the obligation of being married. Her babies were her life. Her answer definitely resonated with me. You don't need marriage to raise healthy children - you need people who are willing to be caregivers to the child.
"Although I was treated this way, a lot of women can have children, not even be with the father, and no one thinks anything about it. Not only is having a “baby daddy” normal, but having a no good “baby daddy” in even more prominent."
ReplyDeleteWow, that is such a profound statement.
As much as I love to see statistics, I do get sick of them ESP when talking about black people as a whole.
There are so many factors that play a role as to why so many of us are having children out of wedlock.
I'm not sure where we went wrong, but this needs to be turned around. I am for stable homes with two parents. I wish more of us would really think about what we're doing, as well as the long term consequences BEFORE and after we lay down with a man.
Also, I wish more of these men who are impregnating us, become responsible.
Both parties have a lot of work to do, but where do we start? How?
I LOVE this blog girl!!! Good write
NickyJett, thanks for commenting. I think there needs to be more research on WHY women think its ok to have children without marriage, or without a partner.
ReplyDeleteI think its deeply rooted in our culture and excepted, so many see no need for a change. Your comment "you don't need marriage to raise healthly children," puzzles me. What does that really mean? I am married, but my daughter isnt healthy. She has medical problems, so the fact that I am married doesn't put her in any position to be more "healthy".
You have to explain that more.
I know to many young mothers, with 4, 5 kids, and they feel that they are capable of raising children, yet they live in government housing, have foodstamps, and are sometimes under educated. These factors are setting most of our children up for failure. Then there are no fathers around, and the children grow up and repeat the same cycles.
I think more studies should be done explaining why a two parent home is beneficial to a child. I was a single parent, and I took care of my daughter by myself because I HAD to...it was never something I wanted, and I can't understand why women would want their child to grow up without a father just so they can "have meaning"?
I guess the real question is: Why do women seem to not feel complete or that they are unworthy if they don't have children?
Pantz
ReplyDeleteI agree that men need to be more responsible. But the blame often falls on the woman because she "allowed" herself to become pregnant. To a certain extent women should KNOW better. All these people running around with babies and no dads..you would think that people would stop and think first, but they don't. Having a baby daddy is cool. Having a kid is "cool". It confuses the hell out of me.
You are from a stable home with two parents. I am from a two parent home as well....where did we go wrong as far as not following the expample? I think all I can do is teach my daughter better, and lead by example. Show her how life is supposed to be and not just tell her. This blog could go so many different ways. I wish more people would comment, we could probably learn so much from each other.
It really surprises me that anyone would want to be a single mother.
ReplyDeleteAlecia can you text me, I lost your number.
ReplyDeleteAll my numbers